May 19th 10:12 p.m. Asian American Final exam in11 hours, but I just can't seem to put my mind in the studies. It's wandering in the air, worrying about what should be worried for the next two weeks. Another two tough weeks before my Summer holiday starts officially on the SQ flight.
Here again, thought of calling my father but couldn't pick up the phone to do so. I tried to make it weekly thing, I really did. But it always took me a long time to get prepared, and sometimes until I urgently need to talk to him. Thoughts, lots of thoughts. Who know what is going to happen once I hang up the phone. Will it be a good conversation that will keep me smiling for the rest of the night? or will it be another heartbreak that will keep flashing old sad memories all night long and keep me awake? I don't know. My heart beats faster as I'm waiting for him to pick up the phone, I don't know what to expect. Everytime I can't help myself but feeling pathetic for having this kind of feeling while calling my own father. Sometimes he didn't pick up the phone, I hesitated trying again. I guess maybe God is trying to tell me that this is not the right time to call. Try again next time. There is a little sin of relieve. Alright, next time. But next time will be too long, and so it felt like we never really talked.
Family has always been the worst F of all Fs. Father is a sad word too. I try to remember myself all the time how he used to be such a great Dad. Yes, when he used to swing me with his hands and carry me on his back, he could crack the hardest pea open just to show me what's inside. I don't know since when, he just stopped being that father he used to be. I guess my family has always been a sad drama, but he managed to cover that up during my early childhood. I was happy and away from that sad truth. But now I can't help myself but to see things clearer and realized that world is not as beautiful as I used to think. It's full of grief.
I will be alright, I definitely will. Although I need someone to talk, but I found it even dangerous when you pick the wrong person to talk to. I did, told a friend. She didn't try to make me feel better, not as I remember. She reminded me how lucky she is for having a good father, and send me her empathy.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Unexciting Finally
Somebody tell me it's the end of Spring semester, CONVINCE me! Because it's just so hard for me to believe. Because I felt no relieve nor excitement. I am not even a hundred percent sure that I don't have to go to class tomorrow and all I need to do is study and take my Final exam next Wednesday and Friday. That's IT? Seriously?
Oh well, every "end" of something is always a combination of sadness and happiness. Glad that another semester had passed, sad that... it's just make me sad whenever a lecturer says "Okay! This is our last class, thank you everyone..bla bla bla." I will definitely miss Darrel Hess, he is an awesome lecturer. He said that he only hopes that from today one, we can start to think like a geographer. I have to say, I learnt a lot ftom this class and now I think more about the landscapes I see. I guess I am now thinking more like a geographer? and I will name him one of the BEST teachers in CCSF. He is just too awesome.
Acting class is definitely going to be missed and sadly I can't take any more 'sort-of' class next semester :( and since this is the only class that I made some friends in, yea I will miss deeply, Bungalow 222.
Sad thing about ending my drawing class is that I did not have a chance to use my newsprint!! It's totally new, anyone need some? I can give it to u :)
But it's not the end of everything :s Still have to work on english paper with Ryan and a final at 27th. Well hope everything will be fine and I am GOING HOMEE!! :D 4th June 4th June!
Oh well, every "end" of something is always a combination of sadness and happiness. Glad that another semester had passed, sad that... it's just make me sad whenever a lecturer says "Okay! This is our last class, thank you everyone..bla bla bla." I will definitely miss Darrel Hess, he is an awesome lecturer. He said that he only hopes that from today one, we can start to think like a geographer. I have to say, I learnt a lot ftom this class and now I think more about the landscapes I see. I guess I am now thinking more like a geographer? and I will name him one of the BEST teachers in CCSF. He is just too awesome.
Acting class is definitely going to be missed and sadly I can't take any more 'sort-of' class next semester :( and since this is the only class that I made some friends in, yea I will miss deeply, Bungalow 222.
Sad thing about ending my drawing class is that I did not have a chance to use my newsprint!! It's totally new, anyone need some? I can give it to u :)
But it's not the end of everything :s Still have to work on english paper with Ryan and a final at 27th. Well hope everything will be fine and I am GOING HOMEE!! :D 4th June 4th June!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Still Sunday
4:52 p.m:
OH my God, Oh my Lord, I am almost dead :s
Although I have finished almost half of my project for Asian American class, I still doubt if I made the right decision to stay at home this whole afternoon. I wanted to go out, I really did, but I guess I need a little more motivation and a little more reason. I thought "Oh Well, I have a bunch of work on the queue." In fact, I gotta work tonight! So I guess I should just stay at home and do my homework. Now I feel terrible, head start to ache. I don't know why, but I can't bear to stay at home the for more than 3 hours in the afternoon. All my nervous system will shut down and then I will feel nothing.
Nevermind.
It's Mother's Day! I don't know if it's just in US or worldwide thing. Happy Mother's Day, mum:)
I supposed tonight will be really busy at work. Should I wish my Boss Happy MD too? Well, I don't know if she will like that. She doesn't have a child, poor thing :( So what should I do when I see her? And I am expecting a lot of mothers tonight, a lot of tables with families, isn't that just heart warming? Well, I hope so.
5:00 p.m. :
Okay a few more minutes I can start moving around and getting ready. Finally, when I get out of this house I will see the sun! Hopefully not too much wind, otherwise my hair will be covering my eyes and it will be just as dark :s
Alright, I'm so drop dead now. I can't even think about something to talk about. But my heart is beating faster without a reason, what will happen??
Oh shit, Boss just called! Need to be there 15minutes earlier! gtg ***
OH my God, Oh my Lord, I am almost dead :s
Although I have finished almost half of my project for Asian American class, I still doubt if I made the right decision to stay at home this whole afternoon. I wanted to go out, I really did, but I guess I need a little more motivation and a little more reason. I thought "Oh Well, I have a bunch of work on the queue." In fact, I gotta work tonight! So I guess I should just stay at home and do my homework. Now I feel terrible, head start to ache. I don't know why, but I can't bear to stay at home the for more than 3 hours in the afternoon. All my nervous system will shut down and then I will feel nothing.
Nevermind.
It's Mother's Day! I don't know if it's just in US or worldwide thing. Happy Mother's Day, mum:)
I supposed tonight will be really busy at work. Should I wish my Boss Happy MD too? Well, I don't know if she will like that. She doesn't have a child, poor thing :( So what should I do when I see her? And I am expecting a lot of mothers tonight, a lot of tables with families, isn't that just heart warming? Well, I hope so.
5:00 p.m. :
Okay a few more minutes I can start moving around and getting ready. Finally, when I get out of this house I will see the sun! Hopefully not too much wind, otherwise my hair will be covering my eyes and it will be just as dark :s
Alright, I'm so drop dead now. I can't even think about something to talk about. But my heart is beating faster without a reason, what will happen??
Oh shit, Boss just called! Need to be there 15minutes earlier! gtg ***
Friday, May 8, 2009
I Met a Gangster from '70s
Vinchia said: " I felt like to go Chinatown."
I said: "Let's go then!"
So right after classes, we headed back home and ran along the steep road in front of our house to catch Bus 44. Going to Chinatown means MILK TEA from Sweetheart Cafe and lunch at SAM WO for me. Once in a while I'll get some egg custards from Golden Gate Bakery. Okay I am not going to describe how 'delicious' Chinatown is, it will just make me hungry.
My roomie is working on this Asian American project about youth gangsters in Chinatown, sounds fierce to you? So the main purpose of visit today was to take some pictures where these gangsters used to hang out and also places where some killings took place in the old days. It was a whole new way of seeing Chinatown, somehow I could not smell the 'delicious' goodies anymore. We were walking along these dark alleys where Vinchia started telling me stories about these gangsters at the 70s. At the meantime, you could actually spot some 'gangster'- looking uncles around you. Who knows these people's history? All of them look like just one of those grandpas who fight for seats on the bus. Those innocent-looking granpas, nobody know about their glorious past. Well, now I know and I am sure gonna be out of their way on Bus 30 next time. The seats are all yours, grandpa :)
THEN, I spotted this bald-headed guy hanging out on the street who turned out to be the main character of my roomie's project. His name is Raymond Chou. Well, something like that, I am not really sure. He was SO FRIENDLY, you will never know that this guy had killed so many people in his past. He was all smiles, 50 year-old yet looks more like 40 y-o to me. I guess he is used to being approached by people, that is so cool! My roomie is definitely getting an A for that project, we even took pictures with him! He also told us this documentary about him "Underworld" which is going to air in National Geographic coming soon. (Geography? Geographic? Why am I so ignorant.)
Okay well, what I am trying to say that it was a pleasant visit to Chinatown. Definitely coming back soon for souvenirs :) yay!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
How well do you know Tris Marlis? in FB
Do you know what happen when someone just set up a new blog? He/ she tends to write often, this is what we called as "3-minute flame" in chinese, or "As hot as chicken shit" in Indonesian. Alright, that was bullshit. So here I am as an FNG "f------g new guy" making my second post of the day.
Let's talk about the recent quiz I made in Facebook, "How well do u know Tris Marlis?" The title itself reflects the stupidity of the content. But I am going to talk bout it anyway, since there were so many interesting results :)
First Q, Which one is my favorite ice cream flavor? Anyone who did talk to me recent years, specifically since 2007 will know the answer for this question. Green Tea, duh! But well I was not so in love with green tea yet before that. I guess it was during the senior high school when I turned into a green tea freak, who loves anything with green tea. Such as green tea ice-cream, green tea pretzel, green tea latte, green tea any blas. Even a recent friend I made in class knew I love green tea ice cream. Am I being to public about my love for "thee"?
Second Q, What am I scared of? Holy Mollie, all of those options sound scary to everybody. But well there is only which is unbearable for me :) which is REPPPTILEES, see I shake even just typing it out. I guess I am not afraid of blood, I don't in what kind of massive amount would turn me into one. But I've had injuries which cover myself with blood and I had no problem with that. Needles? Scared the hell out of me everytime before injection. But when I was young I had this injections from head to toe, even at my 7 fingertips. So I guess, I will not have worse "needle" exprience since then. Water? As in POOL of water, hell yeah I don't know how to swim. Hydrophobia is a good excuse for my dad, I don't know if I am really afraid of water. I do enjoy pouring rain, but I never learned to swim. WHY?!
Third Q, What song would I choose in a karaoke bar? A lot of people chose Pretty Boy. Well I sang that song almost everytime I went to karaoke, but not because I love it, but ONE of my friends do. I never will choose that song, the repetition of "pretty pretty boy" just annoys me, but I love the tune that is why I sing along, sometimes. The answer was "I don't wanna miss a thing" MAN I love this song, and u feel like to open your mouth so wide like Aerosmith in the video. In fact, who doesn't love this song? I like Eminem, I like the part in "Lose Yourself" where it goes "just lose it ah ahahah!" but I can never catch up with that. "Hey there delilah" is nice at first, but when it comes to "heyyy wat'd u do to meee" the repetition again annoys me. Lastly, I love JT, but there is some annoying repetition too in song. Oh well, the truth is I can never sing JT song!
Q no 4, I don't wanna talk about it. You know why? I realized that B could be a correct answer too, but I couldn't give everybody a bonus point. HAHA! Well I did live in Jakarta, before I turned 4. But I was too young for any long term consciousness, sorry I forgot for an instance.
LAST Q, basically what language I am interested in the MOST? Come on, I took Spanish last Summer, isn't it obvious enough? French and German are too hard, too much murmuring, I might want to learn some from En Ning:) I was crazy of Nippon-go when I was young, but not anymore, still interested, but not a major one. Korean? Why everybody said Korean? I could speak Korean, when I am not in front of a Korean, speaking randomly WHATEVER ends with -YO -CI -DE ? I guess by doing that, everybody thought I was so obsessed with Korean that I tried to talk like them.
Okay, the end of revision. I am so proud of my boy Kevin and my girl Ye Qi.
Love, Tris <3
Let's talk about the recent quiz I made in Facebook, "How well do u know Tris Marlis?" The title itself reflects the stupidity of the content. But I am going to talk bout it anyway, since there were so many interesting results :)
First Q, Which one is my favorite ice cream flavor? Anyone who did talk to me recent years, specifically since 2007 will know the answer for this question. Green Tea, duh! But well I was not so in love with green tea yet before that. I guess it was during the senior high school when I turned into a green tea freak, who loves anything with green tea. Such as green tea ice-cream, green tea pretzel, green tea latte, green tea any blas. Even a recent friend I made in class knew I love green tea ice cream. Am I being to public about my love for "thee"?
Second Q, What am I scared of? Holy Mollie, all of those options sound scary to everybody. But well there is only which is unbearable for me :) which is REPPPTILEES, see I shake even just typing it out. I guess I am not afraid of blood, I don't in what kind of massive amount would turn me into one. But I've had injuries which cover myself with blood and I had no problem with that. Needles? Scared the hell out of me everytime before injection. But when I was young I had this injections from head to toe, even at my 7 fingertips. So I guess, I will not have worse "needle" exprience since then. Water? As in POOL of water, hell yeah I don't know how to swim. Hydrophobia is a good excuse for my dad, I don't know if I am really afraid of water. I do enjoy pouring rain, but I never learned to swim. WHY?!
Third Q, What song would I choose in a karaoke bar? A lot of people chose Pretty Boy. Well I sang that song almost everytime I went to karaoke, but not because I love it, but ONE of my friends do. I never will choose that song, the repetition of "pretty pretty boy" just annoys me, but I love the tune that is why I sing along, sometimes. The answer was "I don't wanna miss a thing" MAN I love this song, and u feel like to open your mouth so wide like Aerosmith in the video. In fact, who doesn't love this song? I like Eminem, I like the part in "Lose Yourself" where it goes "just lose it ah ahahah!" but I can never catch up with that. "Hey there delilah" is nice at first, but when it comes to "heyyy wat'd u do to meee" the repetition again annoys me. Lastly, I love JT, but there is some annoying repetition too in song. Oh well, the truth is I can never sing JT song!
Q no 4, I don't wanna talk about it. You know why? I realized that B could be a correct answer too, but I couldn't give everybody a bonus point. HAHA! Well I did live in Jakarta, before I turned 4. But I was too young for any long term consciousness, sorry I forgot for an instance.
LAST Q, basically what language I am interested in the MOST? Come on, I took Spanish last Summer, isn't it obvious enough? French and German are too hard, too much murmuring, I might want to learn some from En Ning:) I was crazy of Nippon-go when I was young, but not anymore, still interested, but not a major one. Korean? Why everybody said Korean? I could speak Korean, when I am not in front of a Korean, speaking randomly WHATEVER ends with -YO -CI -DE ? I guess by doing that, everybody thought I was so obsessed with Korean that I tried to talk like them.
Okay, the end of revision. I am so proud of my boy Kevin and my girl Ye Qi.
Love, Tris <3
The new establisment
Okay, this is ridiculous. I have reset, reset and reset this blog for so many times now. The first time I tried to keep this blog anonymous, but well I realized that by using the same old e-mail and all truthful information won't keep me anonymous. I realized that by doing so, one day people will find out all my secrets. That's too creepy, alright there is no point to keep anonymous, so plan changed.
The second establishment was when my girl pal, Etika, had this idea about making a blog about girls and food. AWESOME! You know all those famous blogs you see in the magazines? We were trying to make one, well making a great blog for people is not a celebrity dream right? Oh well! I started to name this blog Pretty Fat Ladies and did a lot of bla bla blas. But in the end, I realized that it was just an idea popped out during girls' conversations. Apparently there was no intention or at least not strong enough to do such a thing. Anyway, so again now I am about to start this blog all over again.
Alright, I miss writing blogs. I used to write a lot at Friendster, but now it's just full of spams. Expressing self always feel good isn't it? Well, I don't expect followers, but I'd love to have some. I found it easier when you are writing without attention.
Anyway, this time is REAL. cheers <3
Profile a bit messed up, need to update sometime soon :)
The second establishment was when my girl pal, Etika, had this idea about making a blog about girls and food. AWESOME! You know all those famous blogs you see in the magazines? We were trying to make one, well making a great blog for people is not a celebrity dream right? Oh well! I started to name this blog Pretty Fat Ladies and did a lot of bla bla blas. But in the end, I realized that it was just an idea popped out during girls' conversations. Apparently there was no intention or at least not strong enough to do such a thing. Anyway, so again now I am about to start this blog all over again.
Alright, I miss writing blogs. I used to write a lot at Friendster, but now it's just full of spams. Expressing self always feel good isn't it? Well, I don't expect followers, but I'd love to have some. I found it easier when you are writing without attention.
Anyway, this time is REAL. cheers <3
Profile a bit messed up, need to update sometime soon :)
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