Lonesome

Just when I thought I am the loneliest person in the world...
And old man walked into the restaurant..
"How can I help you, Sir?"
"Table for one please."
"This way please."
"My partner, the other person is gone."
"Really? Where did that person go?"
"She's gone forever."
He, however, still managed to put a smile on his face.
Maybe, he did not want me to feel bad for him.
Maybe, he is already used to it.
Maybe, he is trying to hide the pain he has inside.
Maybe, he is weird.
Or maybe, he is just a lonely old man.

That moment, I asked myself.. What am I to compare with this guy?
My loneliness is temporary.. I do have friends.
I do have family.
They are just not here, at this current moment.

But,
His loneliness is permanent.
Whenever we lose someone, we tell ourselves that person will always be in our heart.
But things won't be the same without being able to touch that person.
Knowing that person is around watching you, but never could be sure.

When the wind blows, I feel you.
When my door closes, I feel you.
When the bird flies, I feel you.
When there's butterfly, I feel you.
But where exactly are you?

I guess learning how to appreciate someone is crucial.

Thank you old man.

Now I am even more scared of growing old.

Stage

Let's hope I am going to finish writing before I decide to hit "Back" button and choose not to save this blog. I have this complicated feeling that I want to tell the world, but I don't know how am I going to put this into words.

Today was a long day of pretty good flash back.
I finally get to have my favorite kind of "busy."
I spent whole day working on stage, and even though it's hard, it's my favorite thing to do.
It was almost like how it used to be...
Woke up early in the morning... checked.
Spend more than half a day at the venue building stages.... checked.
But too bad I had to go work in between.
I got my work done, but I missed the fun.
And by the time I got back, time to break all setups and load them back to truck.
Final checkup...
then go home.
I felt like something is missing.
Maybe because it ended too soon.
Maybe because I missed the most important part of it.
Maybe I was too tired.
Maybe I am having my "down" period.
Maybe I am just being emo.
I guess I am not missing the kind of hectic I used to have.
Nobody like being tired, although it feels good.
It's not the exhaustion that I missed, it's the fun.
The fun getting together early in the morning and have breakfast together.
The fun putting pieces together.
The fun having breaks in between.
Also, the ending...
Hugging each other, telling each other what a wonderful job u've done.
And then go have some bak kut teh on the way home.
A table full of hungry and tired kids, finishing uncountable meatballs.
And laugh about how it happened....


*sigh*

.in.a.nutshell.

Time to do some bullshitting after so long.
I feel like such a big liar. All this time I've been lying to myself.
No matter how often I say I don't care about going back home,
every night I secretly look at old pictures and miss my people back there.
People is such a ambiguous and broad word.
Let's break it down..
My family, my mum and dad especially.
I almost forgot how good it feels like having mum waiting for me at home with delicious food.
I miss you so much, Mum.
But I dare not to think about you, 'cause that will be too sad.
I tell myself that I like being busy.
The truth is I love the sweetness of doing nothing.
Just living my life, enjoy every single moment.
I told myself I am tough, and I don't need anyone.
I can do anything by my own,
but deep inside I always wanted a friend.
A friend just to be around with.
So no matter how strong I look on the outside,
deep inside I am fragile and weak.
I need protection too, just like any other girls.
I miss home too, just like any other human being who are thousand miles away.

Oh my goodness, another midnight blues.

Road

Life is like a road...
We are cars, driven by our souls.
Imagine driving on a road that has no turns, no ups and downs.. no red lights.
No other cars around you..
Just you alone.. on a straight and smooth road.
No chance for bumpy rides.
At first, it might sound like a good idea.
But imagine driving on such a road for years.. and years.
It's boring.
We get lost sometimes, and in this road of life there is no U-turn.
But there will always be a right or left turn.
Lost,
Being lost is not necessarily a bad thing.
We find alternative routes,
we discover other ways to live this life.
And sometimes we might find places we never been,
places so beautiful that you wonder why you never pass by.
This is not an easy journey,
but it's an exciting one.
And soon you'll find yourself in love with driving,
you love to move your wheels and explore.
Don't stop in the middle and think this road is going no where.
This road will end someday,
and before it happens, you want to get there.
Get there and watch the sunset.

Backstreet Boys

Yesterday at Gay Pride I managed to catch a glimpse of Backstreet Boys.
Boy, it was a long day. I almost missed them, and well, I actually missed them.
I did not know why I was so desperate to see them,
"are they still popular?" No, not really.
But I guess now I understand why.

I was about 10, obsessed with Toy Box and Vengaboys.
Then I found Westlife.
Then it was "As Long As You Love Me" that I kept re-playing for n times.
Then I was officially a fan of boybands.
Westlife, BSB, N*sync, A1, etc...

Yesterday at the Gay Pride I realized how far I've come.
Being a young girl, I never thought I would meet them.
Let's make it clear, it's not just about Backstreet Boys.
I never thought that I will be here today, America.
It felt so far away, like two different worlds.
It's like living in American dream...

What I Like About U

A few days ago, I posted this on my Facebook status : "

If you like this status, I'll post on your
wall something I like about you or a memory I have of us.

So 23 friends liked it and just like promised, I go to their walls and start writing about things that I like about them. At first, it was hard.... then it gets easier. The more I write the longer it gets. I guess I do enjoy writing good things about people, that makes me miss them more. The more I write, the easier it is to trigger memories. I wanna remember what I've said, so Imma re-write it here.

To Wijoyo:

I love wijoyo because he is a good 'koko,' and by calling him koko means free breakfast, lunch, and dinner, sometimes supper too hahaha :D He acts like a big brother, and whenever we're home he would give us his bed~ a real gentleman, ladies. He is cool because he loves mie babi, and never changed the profile picture w...e set for him. I like him simply because there are so many things about him that this wall wouldnt fit. :D

To Riani:

I ♥ Riani because she is the best :) We had good times in Assclass and when Im not around she shows her love to my mum instead, which makes me love her more hahahaha :) and about 360 days ago, she surprised me at GI Starbucks with a candle on a Avocado Chocolate cake ♥ ♥ ♥ How could I not love this girl, hahahahaha!

To Jason:

Jason is cool because he grows younger, not older, and I'm jealous. He is always there during bad times and good times, with motorcyle, kancil or soon limousine. He is cooler now since he no longer drives motor and no more helmet to make his hair looks funny. He is even cooler now cause he has this cool camera and I ca...n't wait to go back and let him take cool pictures of me :)

To Loo Ye Qi:

I love this girl because she just wrote the sweetest thing I've ever heard ♥ My Love for her is More Than Words. She taught me that friendship can be forever When you Believe. She is What I go to School For~ and although now she may be more than a Thousand Miles away, it doesn't take us 24/7 to become best friends. I ...wish that I could fly to her this Summer and we'll watch the latest Harry Potter, cause it will not be the same without her. there will be no fun British accent practice after Potter.

And although we don't talk to each other a lot, I know when I think of
her somewhere in this world she is 'smiling back at me.' Some girls are too missy, some are too loud, and she is somewhere in between and that is the perfect place I wanna be. She is my sanctuary, and when I'm around her I know I am safe to talk and... do whatever i like and she will never change the way she looks at me. I am me when I'm with her, I don'thave to act smart, act pretty, or act nice; cause she knows me. I wish she is right here next to me with her gigolo t-shirt XD i have a playlist of songs that remind me of her~ I listen or sing to those songs when I miss her, and I've been listening to them a lot lately :)

To Henry:

HENRY! ♥ Henry is such a teddy bear, and i feel like to hug him all the time, he looks the cutest when he is tired and sleepy. One day on our way home on a Tg. Bungah bus, there was an old lady standing next to us, Henry turned to me with tears in his eyes, and he said : " Tris, saya sedih melihat nenek yang kasian in...i, Imma give my seat to her." So there he goes, standing for the next 30minutes and his tears kept falling down as he got sleepier :) He has this mini bicycle for 5-10years-old, and he would ride it around and sometimes he would give Joshua a ride and when they appeared in front of my house, I couldn't stop laughing :D

We used to ride to school on a same car, and it was great because he's the first person I see everyday, that brings sunshine to my day~! He's even cuter when he has his guitar with him~ and no matter how bad my singing is, he will always make me sing :) He has a very Ass-y attitude, which is a good man who is patient, ...kind, and generous.. at the same time, crazy :p He gets crazy randomly, that makes him a very very fun person to be with :D I have not met him in 2.5 years, and I miss him SO BAD!!!! D': I know that when we meet, he will jump up and down with me :)

And I forgot to mention this : "He is also the one who held my hands through darkness in a treasure hunt." :D

To Shiang:

Shu Xiang a.k.a xiao xiao ren is like the Sun that will never runs out of rays, and when she is around, I'm not afraid of 2012 being the end of the world. Xiang is the most helpful friend, and she will always help with a smile on her face :) She is so bright, she chases away all the clouds. Thus, there will be no rain.

To Wan Ting:

Wan Ting is the best and China should thank her for making a good example to the world, and because of her, I have this stereotype that everyone from Shenyang is nice. She sounds like my cousin and treated me like one~ lol :D and everymorning I would come to class and asked her "zen me bann.." and she always gives me good advices~ I ♥ Wan Ting!!!!!!

While writing to other friends was fun.. writing to these guys is a flashback of memories. I miss them so much, and after so long, I still can't get over u guys. Thinking about the past makes me smile, the silly things we do together, the sweet and bitter in life.

:')

Airplanes

Go youtube and search AIRPLANES, I'm obsessed with that song right now.
Not because DJ keeps playing it on the ray-dee-oh, but I love the message that it tries to present.

Life, is sometimes a struggle,
and a lot of times, we got so helpless, all we could do is to wish upon a star.
Our dream is driven by imagination,
we can't help ourselves but keep pretending that reality works the other way round.
Motivation comes from imagination,
even things are not going the way we wanted it to be,
we keep telling ourselves that life is fair.
And in this imagination, we keep pretending.
Let's say.. if good things is going to happen,
life will be good,
I will be happy,
I will succeed,
I will... whatever I wished it would be.

Now we are standing at the edge of dream,
looking down the cliff of reality,
looking up at the sky wishing for a shooting star.
Hundreds, thousands, millions of stars are shining, but none are moving.
Helplessly,
we wonder... can we pretend the airplanes at the night sky are shooting stars?
'Cause we could really use a wish right now.

Thee

Oh God,
I think I found what I've been looking for.
But,
someone else found it sooner than I did.
I guess now it has been stolen.

:-(

Tooth-y Dream

Last night I had a very very terrifying dream.
I dreamed of teeth falling out,
and it was painful.
I remember someone told me before that falling teeth signify death, someone we love is in really bad health.
I forgot who told me, but that kept me thinking.
I hope everyone's okay.
Anyway, I googled and found some explanation for this weird nightmare....

It says:

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxieties about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where appearance and attractiveness matter and your teeth help to convey that image.

Makes sense.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.

Now that sounds a little scary, but since I do not come from a Greek culture, I hope that does not apply to me.

And the Chinese say, "According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if you are telling lies."

Well, I can't really remember when was the last time I lie. I've been thinking to lie my Boss though, so I can have Summer time off. Not going to happen.

Gladly, there is another explanation :

It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

Now that sounds a little better. Since I am not going anywhere this Summer and I know I will definitely be forced to work more; more money will come to me :)

AssTwo:)

Alright, I know today is a gift, that's why it's called "PRESENT."
But sometimes u just can't help yourself from missing the past....
Okay, I admit I can't get over it.
I love the way pictures paint a thousand words,
I love to find old pictures, unintentionally :)
These little pictures reminded me a lot of things...
I remember the green shirt I wear in the pic,
I remember why Ye Qi is still in her uniform.
I remember that yellow En Ning's classic tee,
and I will never forget Henry and Wijoyo who are always by my side :)
and I guess that was one in a million times Mandy willing to take picture, finally :D
I miss u guys so much :')
And I remember the one and only photo booth in Penang,
I gotta go take some pictures whenever I am in Prangin Mall,
and thank you my friends,
for your willingness to take picture with me ^^
Otherwise I wouldn't have these memories.
:)

The Media Monster

Okay, so after high school we go to college.
Why do we go to college?
'Cause everybody else does?
I believe the purpose of college is to prepare us with the knowledge we need on a specific area which we will study for 4 years and then with that knowledge we are able to go out society and work, and improve, and improve, and so it goes..........

I grew up telling people that I wanted to be an Engineer,
Yes, engineer... I did not even know what the heck is that.
Soon Dad told me that I don't have to be an Engineer to build houses like he does.
So my Dad is not an Engineer nor a Architect, he is a businessman.
He is a developer, he invests and he earns big bucks.
So Daddy told me that I don't have to build houses myself,
I can learn how to manage business and let other people do the construction work.
But wait.. Management? I guess I am not that interested in Business.

Then my interest in media grew, well a lot of people do.
Who does not like media? Celebrities, fame, gossip, and lots of money.
But the truth is media is anything but those.
Going to college, I've learned a lot of harsh facts.
The fact that media won't easily get you a job,
the fact that media is not about fame,
the fact that there are very few minorities in the media today,
and the fact that media is not fun.
I used to think that the media represents the people.
but the truth is the media manipulates the people.
The media is no longer honest with its content.
I studied media because I was not so interested in business,
but now I learned media is a business.
Like Dr.Hale often said, what matters is "did the cash register ring today?"
Although I hate the harsh truth, but that is the truth anyway.
The news no longer deliver what the people need to know,
it's all about ratings, ratings, and ratings.
So I come to college to learn all these things.
I wonder how are we going to learn so much negativity about it and still love the job.

Little Girl Who Knows It All

A cute baby girl pointed on a high-chair,
grandma laughed : "Oh, look! She knows that's her chair."
A cute baby boy handed me a chopstick,
"What a smart boy, how adorable~"

I miss being a little girl,
when parents couldn't stop tellin' me that I am the best,
when every step I took works like magic,
when every single thing I learned earns a reward,
when knowing what I want is easy,
when dream used to be unlimited,
when stars used to shine so bright,
when I fell asleep every night knowing that tomorrow was going to be..
a beautiful day.

I know there is no way to stop the clock from ticking,
Although I hate to watch sunset,
the sun will rise anyway.
Now everything never seems enough,
when you tried too hard to make your parents proud,
when you are stuck and don't know where to go,
when all roads seem to lead you to dead end.
You stopped.

I do not wish for a time machine,
I will not wish to go back in time,
I know it's not easy to be possible,
I believe there is something waiting,
waiting for us to see,
in every stage of life.
But,
thinking about tomorrow...
is just...
scary.

5 Min Update:)

Another 10 minutes, and I will get back to work.
It's the 7th day of Chinese New Year,
and this year I had the worst CNY everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

It all started on the first day of CNY,
worked the hell outta me,
got off work at 11:00 pm.
Called Mum immediately after work and found out that Daddy is very unhappy.
It was 2:00 pm in Indonesia,
and for them it was too late to wish a family member Happy Chinese New Year.
So u bet,
Dad was angry and is still angry and I don't know how long will it be.

On Feb 20,
My mom was celebrating her 52nd birthday.
Although Dad didnt call her, (well I texted him, he didn't reply and didn't make a call either),
but a lot of my friends called, texted and commented on Facebook.
Which made me really HAPPY,
Kevin asked me if I was high on cocaine,
I said "No, it was Friendship."
Friendship does sound like a good name for drug,
no I don't take those kind of thing,
friends are simply the best and cheapest therapy.
Why waste your money?

Special thanks to Asses friends,
To Finky and Riani who called my mum even before I did.
To Henry and Kevin who chose to sms,
To Jason who was forced to call while he was eating rojak,
To Ye Qi who just reached Aussie and never hesitated to call,
To everyone who commented on my Facebook status,
To EVERYONE,
Thank U, that happy feeling is so long lasting,
I still smile thinking about it.

I know that Dad's call still can be the best present,
but I hope my Mum was happy busy taking calls from the kids :)

Last but not least,
Thank you God for creating her 52 years ago,
she is your best creation ever!

Well, all mothers are greatest creations:)

Off to work now!
I hope to serve great customers tonight <3

What an Eff

Do know what is the coolest alphabet? F.

It gives u Friends and Family. You want to have some Fun, everything has to be Fabulous, and you believe you can "Fly." Also never forget the magical word, F**k, a word used to be so sacred, now lost its power due to excessive and unnecessary usage by the people. I still don't understand what's the point when someone say F**k, seriously what's so f**ked up? A long time ago when someone says "F**k you," it means something really serious is happening. Today, if you heard someone say so, well don't worry, his friend probably just told him a not-so-funny joke.

Okay, I am not trying to start a discussion on the magical F word.

It just amaze me seeing so many words with an initial f. We all live in a Fantasy world, life can be fantastic, life can be a fairytale.

However, everything has a harsh side. Sadly, we never get to use all those great eff-ing words too often. Friends are hard to find, a good family is hard to maintain, life is not fun, and as we grew up we realized that there is no such thing as Fairytale.

Slowly, we fall, not in love, but in despair, misery, and desperation. We just keep falling and falling, Failing every task we got. FINE, we do not give up, we learn how to stand back up on our own, but things are just so............... uneasy.

People used to tell me that I am the best. Meeting someone better is hard, I hate competition. I did not know how it feels like to be on the bottom, because I am always on top of the world. Slowly, I found myself in the middle of the crowd. I was no longer the best, there is nothing about me that stand out from the crowd.

I am standing in the middle of the crowd.
Nobody will notice me, because we are all the same, can you see where I am?

Getting out of the crowd is always hard, but life is all about that, isn't it?
Life is all about being true to oneself,
Success is about getting your way out of that "crowd."

Soon, I realized I am no longer in the crowd.
I didn't make my way through,
but people seem to go away, leaving myself behind.
Then I realized how left out I am,
where do I go right?

Now, things are getting tougher. I see something in everyone which I do not have.
I do not want to belong here.
Being on the bottom level feels like the world is stepping on you.
You can't run, you can't hide, you can't scream.
'Cause nothing seems to matter when you are down below.

Mrs. Barbarra and Lemon Chicken

One night, one old couple walked into the restaurant.
It was Mrs. Barbara and her husband, whose name I forgot almost immediately.
But I would not want to forget Mrs. Barbara.
They are sweet just like other customers I've ever met,
they like to give compliments,
and they share stories.
But their story.. was different.
Live at Oregon, come to San Francisco once in a while to visit their mama.
This time, mama is sick, and she might not make it.
They are pretty sure, she would not be able to make it.
Spending mama's last days, they were not crying,
It was not the end of the world, and they knew.
It was a nice talk, but it was different,
It felt close, as if I've known them a long time ago.
I said "You remind me of my grandma."
and Mr. One Eye said " You remind me of my daughter." I smiled.

A few days later,
I went back to work.
Mrs Barbara was there, this time, bigger table.
I walked to her, she hugged me, really tight.
I could feel the same happiness I felt in her.
She held my hand and said " She passed away last night."
There was a silence, a huge gap in my heart.
I lost all my words, and did not know what to say.
Mrs. Barbara smiled,
she said "we came here tonight to eat Lemon Chicken, it used to be her favorite."
Then she adds " and your Lemon chicken was her favorite."
That was probably the biggest compliment I've ever heard.
She then introduced me to her daughter, as "adopted grand daughter."

Funeral will be held this Friday, and Mrs. Barbara will go back Oregon.
I don't know when I will see her again,
but I will definitely miss her, my god grandmother :)

Bottles

We are just like bottles, aren't we? Shape-wise, other-wise.
A few days ago, I felt myself like an empty bottle.
Tried so hard to occupy the empty spaces,
felt so occupied.
One day, I pour them out and try to find what I need,
I could not find them.
I put everything else aside,
It was an empty space.
All of a sudden, I felt so empty....
All of a sudden, this bottle does not worth any penny.
All of a sudden, I realized how worn out this bottle had become.
I hate that feeling,
I wanna pour something in.
Something that will brighten this bottle inside out,
maybe a little sunshine, sun in a bottle, hope in a bottle.
Maybe something useful,
something that makes my life worthwhile.
Fill me in,
'cause I hate to be empty.

Thursday, take a deep breath.

Rain has been pouring endlessly in San Francisco these few days.
It's not just wet, but it's freezing cold, once in a while it hails too!
This kind of weather only makes people love their home more,
appreciate their time at home more.. and every second I thought of going home.
Dive in the ocean of comfort, I wanna sleep well tonight.

It was still cold when I went to work this evening,
could not walk as fast as I usually do,
so I missed my bus,
when I thought it's going to be one bad bad night,
I got a text from Mrs.Bossie that says " I let you off today, see u tomorrow."
So everything does happen for a reason,
I missed the bus for a reason too :)
I don't mind walking back home,
it was a short long walk, but I am really happy.

I spent the night at home, hanging around upstairs,
playing with little Tofu,
there are aunties and uncles who are visiting,
cousin that never stop bullshitting,
cousin's gf who is nice as always,
and auntie who stays at home all the time,
we gathered around,
there is a digital photo frame,
we look at all the pictures together,
pictures of their big houses, many cars, daughters' friends, daughters' homemade cupcakes, and of course daughters' puppies :)
It was really simple, somehow it is not something usual to me,
and I am really happy, I felt like a part of a family.

Late night, everybody was tired and went to bed.
Tofu fell asleep on my lap, she was snoring, she woke up once in a while, stretched a little and went back to sleep, so soundly.
Looking at the clock, it was just a little past nine at night,
usually at that time I am still cleaning around at work waiting for customers to leave.
And now at home, I still have plenty of time to spare for nothingness.

I love today :)

Yes, Sir!

Alrighty... So I just finished a whole series of 高校鐵金剛 !!!
Yes I am typing in chinese, hehehehehehehehehehehe :)

I have not watched drama series in a long time, because I don't wanna get addicted, because I have no time for addiction!

But I have to watch this one, not because it is extremely good, high-quality, no. Great actors, ermm.. just okay. But because it is filmed in my beloved, Han Chiang High School!!! I don't know why they would chose to film at my school, althought it doesn't look THAT great, but probably good enough if compared to other high schools.. Erm, I am just saying. ANYWAY, it's funny, obviously very low-budget production, But I am happy that they show me around the school, Oh I miss u so much HCHS :') I will not go and tell the stories, I will not also say "Go watch it yourself!"


But it does have what a drama series always do have:

• Main actor turned out to be some random rich guy from super rich family.
• Cinderella-type female lead.
• Someone has to die.
• A twist in bad-became-good character.
• Happy Ending.

Although some parts do get a little ridiculous, but it's okay, purely entertainment purpose, watch it!

Now I miss school so muchhhh,
the science lab, canteen, teachers' office, stadium and the beautiful green field!

I remember last time when I was asked to say something for the school ad, I said " Zhe li you hen bang de lao shi, hen bang de feng jing, hen bang de tong xue, zhe li shi han jiang zhong xue."
Norak yah!

Random Update

This is going to be a random update.
Since my poor lost last 27th Dec, nothing worse had happened.
A few days later a police officer called,
eventually my ID and Debit Card was found :)
But that's all, nothing else is found.
I was about to testify the burglar and send him to jail, but police officer said that Mr. Burglar is responsible for another 15 burglaries around that area, which means they already have ENOUGH people to testify.
Ghena got excited too early, she posted the news all over the place, Facebook and Blackberry Messenger which equals to the world about how cool it is gonna be being in the court, testifying Mr.Burglar, familiar scene?
Then after that,
it's been,
work work and work, lots of working.

Dec 31, HAPPY NEW YEAR :D
It was great, watched the fireworks and wished all policemen Happy New Year who we met while walking from Ferry Plaza to downtown.

Then, working working and working.

Went brunch with Donna, 2 hours line at Mama's =.="

work work and more working.

Can't believe it's New Year already, and I am now turning 20.
I am sad, kinda sad, pretty sad, I miss being a teenager.
But now, I am officially adult!

Havent get to do lots of things that planned during this holidays.
Havent called dad in a really long time, don't even know how to start telling him how I got robbed. 'Cause I wanna make it sounds like "I am not stupid, it's just the guy was too smart."

Okay, NEXT.

Today, 6th Jan 2009, me and Ghena went to watch WICKED!
So we were hoping to win the lottery, so we can get ticket for $25, but we did not win.
While we were down and disappointed,
an angel appeared in front of us,
and offered us two tickets because 2 students from their group are not coming :)
So..........
WE WATCHED WICKEDD!!!
It was wicked-ly good :) Feeling so lucky right now.

And uh, did I tell u that I passed my Philosophy class? :D